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In the unlikely event…

New website sparks Scottish referendum

In the absence of any current news, here's one we made up.


Dear news seeker, in the unlikely event you have arrived at our website in search of recent news we don’t want you to be disappointed.

Truth is that our website has only just been published and we haven’t actually finished it, it is however, infinitely better than our old site which no longer reflected our range of services – so we just damn well published it.

It’s gone up in the final tax month of 2017 as we approach a very uncertain time, just today the Scottish person so well impersonated by Tracy Ullman has announced another referendum only a week after the lying sociopathic ex labour leader sought a repeat EU referendum, a comment that almost made me reconsider my staunch ‘remain’ position. In short, the world is such a disgusting place full of liars and back door racists that perhaps we’re better off getting on with our own business and treating people fairly the way we ourselves would like to be treated.

Outside our window is a large bank of primroses going right up to the rear access lane. Later there will be bluebells as well, it’s great to have a bit of nature in the town centre. We have wildlife as well, plenty of birds that we feed from a window feeder, foxes, mice and of course plenty of rats. Alcatraz feed them though.

So hopefully, this should be about the right length for a news article as I’m now going to leave for tennis. Until some real news comes in, this will remain our key article.

And I love you all.